Dealing With The Blues

Seasonal Affected Disorder? Depression? What's wrong with me?

I can honestly say that this summer I was at the top of my game. I felt beautiful and sexy, despite being a "big girl". I was happy. People commented on my appearance all the time. I was dating up a storm. I organized my high school reunion. I seriously felt like I could conquer the world and BAM, it all ended in the fall.


I came crashing down off my high. I am dealing with feeling unattractive, fat, unmotivated and generally unhappy. Not miserable or weepy, just very "blah" and uninspired. My skin is crappy, I feel tired most of the time, and I am eating more. Oh yay. Like I need that!


So now what? Christmas is coming and so far I've begged off of three parties. I have another tomorrow and yes I will definitely go to this one. I have two more parties coming up and honestly I could care less if I go. I think part of it is my constant state of singleness. This just seems 10 times more obvious during the Christmas season when couples head off to party after party, and I am forced to endure hours of hanging out with the "smug marrieds" (read Bridget Jones' Diary, you'll understand). It just isn't fun to be reminded that I don't have anyone with whom to share the ups and downs of my life. Perhaps this is the fundamental root of the problem.


So what am I going to do about it? I don't have a freaking clue!! I know what I need to do. going to the gym would be a great start. Going to the parties anyway would be another good thing. But am I doing it? Go back a couple of paragraphs. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything and I'm stuck in a vicious circle. And the fact that it's been a miserable start to the cold season with too much cold and too much slow, I feel like I could hibernate all winter and only come out in the spring.

I really want to shake the blues and welcome any comments you have that you think may help. I really want to find my mojo again.

"Stella needs her groove back!"