The Wait is Over/The Weight is Over

My tests came back today. Negative for breast cancer. PHEW! I no longer have to wait, and the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. Thank you all for your amazing support while I waited for my news. I really am the luckiest person in the world.

I'm Touched

First of all, thank you so much Laura for your lovely post about my left boob. For the record, you too have become very special to me as well and your blogger friends are pretty amazing. To receive such good vibes from people who don't know me is very moving. No matter what the outcome I'll be touched by this experience forever.

Yesterday I had the biopsy. I was very nervous that it would hurt. Ironic for someone who managed quite well through two root canals within three months last year. But it didn't hurt and I only have minor aching today. Nothing even worthy of a tylenol.

The radiologist informed me that it could take as long as two weeks to get the results. So I wait. I may not get the results on May 14th as I had hoped. I wait.

Now here is the kicker. The whole reason I went in for the mammogram to begin with was because I had some itchiness that the doctor wanted checked. She asked for a biopsy on what looks like some scar tissue from all the scratching, but it seems this request got derailed by the discovery of the lump. Yesterday as I was laying on the table waiting for the procedure to begin, the ultrasound technologist noticed the request on my file and told me she'd have to request another appointment for me because that requires a surgeon, not the radiologist who was doing the biopsy on the lump. Yes, it's true. I have to go for another biopsy. And so I wait.

To pass the time I'm wrapped up in work - so busy my head is spinning - and at home the nesting instinct has kicked back in and I'm doing my best impression of an Italian mother. Who makes 6 dozen meatballs and a big pot of spaghetti sauce on a weeknight? Ummm... yeah. That would be me.

I've stocked up on beading supplies to keep me busy over the next little while. I find when I'm creative I don't think about anything. My next creation is going to be bright and cheery and full of colour. When I wear the bracelet I will bring to reality the expression "wearing my heart on my sleeve" because that is the outlook I strive to maintain every day and I will do my best to not let this boob experience change that. My wonderful friends and family, and even people who don't know me will see to it that I don't stumble. I'm the luckiest person in the world. There's not much more I could want in my life, and so I wait with a big smile on my face, love in my heart and a positive outlook thanks to you all.

Cheers!

T Minus 38 hrs, 12 minutes

It's 10:18 pm on Sunday night. My biopsy is scheduled for 12:30 on Tuesday afternoon. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. The first cause of my nervousness has to do with the discomfort or even pain I may experience on Tuesday. The second is the "elephant in the room" - the results. Although I don't know anything yet and the odds are I have nothing to worry about, I find I am noticing everything that is cancer related and thinking about what my experience will be.

Last night I saw a lady who looked like she must be going through chemotherapy. I saw her patchy hair and my heart skipped a beat. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my hair. How would I manage if that were me? What will I do if it is my fate?

Today I drove past the Tour Nortel route. Another cancer related fundraising event. Coincidence or am I just hyper aware of all that is cancer related because of my lump? I think about what it might be like as a single woman and having to lose my breast. Who could love me without something that is a major part of my identity?

This being said I'm surrounded by so much love, positive energy and good wishes it's hard to believe that I could have anything but a good result from the biopsy; but that doesn't mean my mind will let escape thinking of the possibilities in the event that it is the other result.

So many women have fought this battle and survived. These are the most amazing women I've ever met. Would I have the strength to do what they have done? Fear is gripping me in flashes but for the most part I'm doing okay. How can I not be okay with this incredible support system? Like I said in my previous blog, I'm not ready to leave this world. I still have this need to make a difference and I haven't even begun to try.

So.... I'm saying it now. I refuse to let this stop me no matter what results I get on May 14th.