Online Dating Scammer

Originally posted on August 31:

Well folks it has happened!! I've heard about these dating scammers but have been fortunate enough to not encounter any of them in all my years of online dating. That is, until about 3 weeks ago!

This really nice guy, 9 years younger than I am contacted me. Now if I was not previously contacted by younger men I might have been suspicious but I do receive a lot of emails from younger guys. Shawn was a sweetheart and seemed totally smitten with me. He certainly didn't appear to be internet-savvy since his msn account showed his first and last name. He took his time charming me and had the right balance of sweet, syrupy, schmaltz and sassiness. He seemed to have a good sense of humour and we enjoyed a lot of playful banter, but never anything intimate. I told him that I reserve those conversations for someone I've met and am officially dating. He totally understood.

We exchanged photos and he had two professional looking photos and one casual photo in his kitchen. I asked about the professional shots and he said his ex was a photographer.

We talked about all kinds of things, including the fact that he owns his own businss and was working hard so he could retire early. I offered that while I made a good salary I tended to live in the moment more so than he. I don't recall the context of the conversation but there were no alarms when the discussion of credit cards came up. I mentioned how when I travelled for work that I had an Aeroplan Amex to maximize the miles, but downgraded to a no-fee card when I stopped travelling. I also mentioned that I had my mastercard account since I was 18. (In hindsight I told him a lot with that statement.) He wondered if it was a BMO account and I recall thinking that it was an odd thing to ask and I didn't answer.

Things progressed and he asked for my phone number. I gave him my cell and when he asked for my home number I said that I would give it to him later - when the time is right. I asked for his number and got a cell, but he claimed to have no land line.

We talked on the phone a few times and one time I phoned him he didn't answer. It rolled to voicemail and what I found odd was that there was no personalized message on it. For a guy who owns a business and has no land line I thought that to be strange.

Well around Wednesday of the second week of our contact he announced that he had to go to Shanghai to meet a supplier and ensure that they could meet the supply commitment as he had secured a contract with a major retailer. He left early Saturday morning and as expected I didn't hear from him until later Sunday evening, which was Monday, Shanghai time. 12hr time difference.

Conveniently he forgot his digital camera so was unable to send me pictures and was very vague about what he was doing every day. My spider senses were tingling now and I noticed that the times he was online didn't jive well with a 12 hr time difference and reasonable sleep/work hours. He'd come online at 5 am his time, and again at 12:30 am - 3:00 am, and that was it. Very rarely did I get a message in between but occasionally I'd get an email around 11:00 am his time. This was the pattern for about 4 days and then on Thursday he came online and started complaining about BMO.

Apparently he had decided to move all of his business funds (and made a point of telling me he had $60k in the account) to a bank in Shanghai so he wouldn't have to carry a lot of cash. He said that the bank screwed up and his money was on hold for 30 days and he might get stuck in Shanghai until it was resolved and the deal might fall through. Alarm bells rang immediately. I encouraged him to talk to the bank since it was their screw up and he said he'd figure something out. After we disconnected I hit Google in the fast lane. I searched out all the online dating scams and found a lot of similarity and common indicators, however his particular scenario was unique. There was enough commonality, however for me to be 99% certain that I had a scammer on my hands.

On Friday he came online, right on schedule. I asked what he was going to do about the money situation. He said to me, "Let me ask you this. Can I even trust you with my money?" I said, "No. You shouldn't trust strangers. I'm a stranger." and he let it drop. We chit chatted about other things and I steered the conversation back to the money. I asked why he would ask if he could trust me with his money and he decided that since I asked, he'd tell me his plan.

He said he had a client who wanted to pay him but since he was in Shanghai he couldn't take care of it so he was thinking I could do it on his behalf. He wanted me to deposit it into my credit card and when it cleared, take it out and send it to him. He hadn't figured out yet in what form and how I'd send it to him but said he'd figure it out when we get there.

After playing dumb for a while and getting him to reveal exactly what he wanted me to do, and him countering all my logical arguments against the plan, I finally told him that it sounded like money laundering, and that he was a scammer with no interest in dating me. He laughed it off and said to not worry about it, he understands my concern and he will prove to me when we meet that he's good for it. I'm not sure what he meant but I found it odd that he didn't get the least bit upset that I accused him of fraud and illegal activity. He immediately changed the subject and after a few short minutes said that he had to get some sleep.

That was Friday around 1pm and I have not had an email or attempted IM from him since, which goes against the established pattern. I really hope he goes away now. Thank God my Spider Senses served me well again, because despite finally allowing my walls to crumble, I always had one foot on the ground. He definitely fell into the "too good to be true" category and while I got into it, I took it with a grain of salt.

The one thing I've learned since I posted this experience is that this wasn't a case of money laundering but rather an attempt to get my credit card information under the guise of depositing money. Once he had my credit card info he would have been long gone! Bank on it!

Great Resources for Online Dating Scam Detection

Being educated is the best way to protect yourself. Below are some warning signs you should be on the lookout for, followed by some websites to check out:

Now remember, some of these on their own are perfectly innocent and normal, however in the context of other suspicious behaviour keep an eye out!! Don't give out any personal information until you have met the person LIVE and start to form a real relationship. Of course NEVER give out financial information! Never, ever, ever!!! If someone needs your help, make the purchase on their behalf, but never give anyone access to your accounts. A real friend would never ask!

• Quickly want to move from the online site to an IM program
• No picture posted on their ad on the dating site - since it's not their photo the more people who see it, the greater the chance of being outed!
• Professional looking photos, almost none in a natural/casual setting
• Early discussion about finances and/or credit cards that seem in context
• "Too good to be true" - looks, personality, level of interest or feelings
• Asking a lot about you but not offering a lot about them
• Odd times that they come online and don't tend to stay on long (someone who's interested could spend hours chatting)
• May provide a phone number but doesn't answer when you call and voicemail doesn't identify the person
• Asks what part of town you live in
• Asks your last name
• Sob story of some sort to gain your sympathy
• Poor English/typing skills
• They have a way of finding your weakness/needs/interests, and playing on them. Notice how the second guy said he had just got back from golf. The first interest listed in my profile is golf! Hmmmm

http://www.bustathief.com/dating-scam-internet-dating-fraud/
http://online-dating.suite101.com/article.cfm/internet_dating_scams
http://www.consumerdirect.gov.uk/watch_out/scams/online-dating/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8704213/
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10529343&ref=rss
http://www.crime-research.org/news/29.03.2005/1084/

This site is a database of photos and details of the scammer: http://www.stop-scammers.com/

I've Become A Scammer Magnet!!!

Tonight I was online and a guy sends me a message with a photo attached. Right away I'm suspicious because the guy is WAY too good looking and the photo looks like something from Hollywood. I questioned the guy on the photo and he said he used to some modelling. What came next was interesting...read the exchange:


The first email was his reply to my first reply. This is the picture he attached

Following is the chain of emails that ensued. Note how he tries to play on potentially low self esteem:

Me: Tell me about where your photo was taken. It looks interesting... like an Italian movie star!

Him: well i am indian.

Me: That's fine. I am just curious about the photo. It's not your typical "guy on a motorcycle" or "guy flipping burgers" kind of photo that I'm used to seeing online. It looks like there's an interesting story there. :-)

Him: i tried to do modelling but too much competition.i got these pics taken a yr back.if u want other pics of me without clothes let me know

Me: No thanks.

Him: u thought i was serious

Me: I guess I'm having a hard time reading you! lol

Him: why r u trying to read me.and i am a good poker player so i dont think u can.just ask me and i will tell u.i know what u r thinking,why is this good looking guy even sending messages to me.is this his real pic or he got it from the internet. right. i can tell u even more things that u will not believe

Me: Well yep, you've pretty much nailed it right there. What else can you tell me that you don't think I'll believe?

Him: i feel u have inferiority complex about yourself.i dont know why.u have a beautiful face and u r a intelligent women.i think u been through a lot of friendships with men and never could hold on to someone u liked or loved................ u dont trust guys...so whenever someone approaches u,u want to find out why.maybe he will use me and go away.but let me tell u that everybody is not same

Me: That's not it at all. I know all kinds of people have all different tastes in what they find attractive, however I recently spend some time chatting to someone who turned out to be a scammer. Right now I don't trust anyone for that reason. My trust needs to be earned - I no longer give it freely and my self esteem is quite solid.


After this he stopped corresponding. Again, trusting my spider senses I Googled Bollywood actors and on my second hit I found the photo of the actor Harman Baweja. Check the link: http://www.bollywoodworld.ca/bwgallery/displayimage-lastup-7-6.html